Six Merry Murderers
by Luthien Luinwe
Summary: Haruhi Fujioka is arrested for the murder of her supposed lover. While in prison, she meets the six merry murderers of the Crookem County Jail. These are their stories.


**Hey guys! This is based on an AMV that I saw the other day! Any way, I don't own OHSHC or _Chicago_! Enjoy!**

Hikaru Hitachiin, Kaoru Hitachiin, Kyouya Ootori, Mitsukuni Haninozuka, Tamaki Suoh, and Takashi Morinozuka lived in Chicago. Each had fallen in love, and each had been (supposedly) responsible for the deaths of the ones that they loved. As such, they were sent to the Crookem County Jail, where they had soon earned the reputation of being the six merry murderers.

Haruhi Fujioka had been accused of murdering her lover, though she claimed he was a burglar and that she had only murdered him in self-defense. She too had been locked inside the Crookem County Jail in a cell very near the cells of the six merry murderers. During her first night, she over heard them talking.

"She had it coming," Hikaru said to the five other murderers. "And I guarantee that if you'd have been there, you would have done the same thing."

Kaoru looked over at his twin. "Yeah, but what did you do?" he had never really heard the full story behind the behavior.

Hikaru sighed before grinning wickedly. "You know how some people have these little habits that get you down?" the other five nodded. "Like Ayame. Ayame liked to chew gum… No, not chew… pop," he said. Ayame was the vice-rep of class 2A at Ouran Academy. She had been one year above Hikaru, and the two rarely saw each other until their parents decided that they should start hanging out. But Ayame had a nasty habit of chewing and popping her gum. It was a habit that Hikaru hated. "Like, I come home this one day, and there's Ayame lying on the couch, chewing… No, not chewing, _popping_," he continued. "So I said to her, I sad, 'Ayame, you pop that gum one more time!'" Hikaru shouted. It was easy to tell how annoyed he had been. "And she did," he sighed sadly. "So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots… Into her head." He grinned evilly. If Haruhi hadn't been afraid before, she most certainly was now. "Really, she could only blame herself," he shrugged. The five other murderers nodded in agreement.

"Alright, now it's my turn," Kaoru said. His grin was identical to the one that Hikaru had when he talked about the murder he'd commited. "I met Nekozawa from Russia about two years ago," he sighed dreamily. "And he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away, so, we started living together." Tamaki motioned for him to continue. "He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, dinner…" he trailed off.

"Oh get to the interesting part already!" Hikaru said impatiently.

"I'm getting to it!" Kaoru sighed. "And then I found out, single he said! Single. My. Ass. Not only was he married, no, no, he had SIX wives!" His face was bright red with anger. "One of those cultists, you know? Well, anyway, that night, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual," he smiled, remembering. The five others were all grinning wickedly. They knew this was when Kaoru had killed him. "You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic," he shrugged. "I tell you, it was a murder, but there was no way it should've been considered a crime," he said bitterly.

The others looked around, waiting for someone to go next. Kyouya sighed. _I might as well, _he thought. "Now I'm standing in the kitchen carving up a chicken for dinner, and in storms my wife Benio in a jealous rage. 'You've been screwing Chizuru!' Shee says and she kept saying, 'You've been screwing Chizuru!'"

"Well… were you?" Tamaki asked. In his mind, it was a legitimate question.

"That's beside the point!" Kyouya snapped. "But anyway, then she ran into my knife… She ran into my knife ten times." By this point, Haruhi was certain that she did not belong in this jail. Sure she'd killed that man, but… She hadn't been nearly as _brutal _as these men had been, and she sure as hell didn't stab him ten times!

Honey was the next to speak up. The childlike man really looked like he would start crying at any time. "Mit kersek en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires. Lakem lefogta a ferjement en meg lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. Probaltam a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertetteck meg."

Mori nodded sadly. Kaoru looked at Honey with a blank expression. "Do you even speak Japanese or English?" he asked in bewilderment.

"More importantly," Tamaki said, cutting Kaoru off. "Did you do it?"

At that point, Honey did burst into tears. "Uh-uh!" he shouted, shaking his head. "Not guilty!" He hugged his stuffed rabbit close to himself and cried quietly.

Tamaki sighed. "So my friend Shiro and I had this double act, and my wife Éclair traveled around with us. With the last number in our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks in a row," he explained. Haruhi frowned. That sounded familiar, then it clicked. _Suoh was one of the people performing at the club I worked in. _"One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, flip flops, back flips, one right after the other. Well one night, we were in the hotel Cicero. The three of us, we were in this hotel room drinking and having a few laughs, and we ran out of ice, so I went out to get some," he continued. He had had good intentions. He was trying to be helpful. "I come back, open the door, there's Shiro and Éclair doing number 17," his face was flushed with anger. "The spread eagle," he said quietly. _So it was true, _Haruhi thought. _He did kill them… _Tamaki laughed a bit. "Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing," his smile suddenly became one that was full of complete and total malice. "It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, that I even knew they were dead," he sighed. "But they had it coming! And I swear I didn't do it, but even if I had, can you tell me that I was in the wrong?" he shouted. The five others shook their heads. Haruhi wanted to nod, but she wasn't really in a position to do so.

Mori, who was normally the quietest one of the six, decided to tell his story. "I loved Renge Houshakuji," he began. "She was a real artistic girl, though crazy, an otaku, but she was always trying to find herself. She went out every night looking for herself, and on the way, she found Kasanoda, Yasuchika, Satoshi, and Kanako," he continued before shrugging. "I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences," he sighed. "She saw herself as alive, and, well… I saw her as dead." The murderers all shook their heads.

"They had it coming!" they shouted.

"You pop that gum one more time…" Hikaru said threateningly.

"Single my ass," Kaoru said bitterly.

"Ten times," Kyouya said with an evil smile.

"Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe!" Honey shouted sadly.

Tamaki shook his head. "Number seventeen, the spread eagle."

"Artistic differences," Mori sighed.

They all turned to Haruhi, who looked horrified. "I bet you would've done the same," they said in perfect unison.


End file.
